May 30 2014 03:30PM
It's Friday and don't, for one second, pretend you're working on anything. You may as well read this Playoff Pool update to see how badly I suck and how my dreams of Internet prizery are being replaced by the stench of failure and loneliness. Somewhere out there, Chris Kelly is laughing at me. He's pointing at his screen and mocking my stupidity. Not only did I choose an injured player for my roster, I didn't take a single Canadien,NY Ranger or Chicago Blackhawk. Now, the only thing left for me to stare at the concrete as I plummet to earth and wait for impact. This is my life at the bottom, laugh if you must.
Would you look at that... Hemmercules is, once again, hanging on to the top spot but adam.casty is fast approaching. The once dominant, Rammertime, has fallen off of late so I can only assume whatever black magic he had going early has faded. Looking at the leaderboard, I would like to give honourable mention to 'The Ever-Disappointed Oil Faithful' who is not only saying what we feel, he carries the wait of our disappointment in his pool name. For that I congratulate you. The disappointment of the Nation is not your cross to bear, but you carry is well and deserve to be recognized.
Speaking of disappointment, tonight could very well be the last game that Bob Cole announces on HNIC unless the Blackhawks pull out a win and extend this thing to 7. The man is a legend, and although age and accuracy are travelling in opposite directions these days his last game was a masterpiece. He announced that double overtime thriller with all the piss and vinegar of a 70 year old Bob Cole, and it was beautiful! I'm going to enjoy his magic voice for as long as I can, regardless of whether he knows who actually has the puck or not.
On the bright side, Montreal is now out of the playoffs and no Canadian hockey fan has anything left to cheer for. Yes I'm bitter and yes I have Habsenfreude.
If I could have a do over on the name it would probably make more sense to call myself BAGGEDMILK IS STUPID AND USELESS because I keep sliding down the ranks. You know when your top seeding was 114th, you did not have a very successful hockey pool. I invite all of you to share your disappointment in my team with me. I have family and friends in this pool who are embarrassed to be affiliated with me in any way. What was once a scent of mediocrity has been replaced by a wretched waved of rotten failure. I have embarrassed myself and I have embarrassed the Shaolin temple.
Dear PK Subban,
You may not have won the Stanley Cup this year but you are only days away from hitting the lottery. One thing I hope, for you, is that another GM takes it upon himself to offer sheet you. I even wish my beloved Oilers would do such a thing. Sure, we may have to give up 1 consecutive 1st round picks but Montreal may match and we may screw them capwise for years to come. Either way works for me. Just know that I love you and I accept all donations regardless of monetary value.