2013 GOAT AND STAR SELECTIONING
Wanye
January 18 2013 02:09AM
Have we really been picking Goats and Stars on the Nation for 4 years now? Oh how time passes on the bottom of the NHL ocean floor. Not a lot of light gets down here, every day sorta looks the alike after awhile. But they say that every dog gets his day and 2013 will surely be the year that the Mighty Oil rise up from the depths of the ocean floor and stake their victorious claim of some point between the deep and the light topside.
We aren't asking for all that much Gods of Hockey. Just a return to respectability. Respectability on the way to Dominance. Dominance on the way to showing No Mercy.
Ahem.
As we watch the Oil begin their ascent we will be sure to point out the people steering the sub.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Let 2009 Edition Wanye break it down for you:
Picking a Star – and later a goat – for the season has been a long standing tradition with our crew of pirates. For the duration of the season if your Star does something mad decent – lights the lamp at a key point in a game for instance – you get to bask in the glow of the Star as he is “your guy.” Should your Star go stone cold – or get traded as was the case last year when we picked Erik Cole – you are forced to sit quietly in the corner, speaking only when spoken to as you wait for the regular season to end.
Picking a star is a tricky business that requires a great deal of thinking. Anyone can pick Ales Hemsky and be reasonably assured that they will look quasi intelligent throughout the whole season. But be like our buddy Lee in the 2006 Season who famously picked Fernando Pisani as his playoff Star – and your genius will be praised from the highest tower for years to come.
We have basically the worst luck picking stars. Not only did we pick Cole last year, we also picked Ryan Smyth the year he was traded, Chris Pronger the year he left town due to family reasons and Eric Fichaud so many years back on the hunch “he could make it as a starter in the NHL.” On that note of taking needless risks, we have deliberated the options before us, crushed a few dozen BLs over the weekend, and decided on our Star this year.
Ah 2009 Wanye. You were such a simpleton back then. Didn't know what a Nuge is, had no particular affinity for HC Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk alumni and thought 14 in an Oilers Jersey vaguely thought had something to do with MacTavish. You poor silly ignorant bastard.
But you do make a fine job of explaining why you need to name Goats and Stars. In both cases you need to have "your guy" its a multi year moral imperative. So please leave both your selections below, or update your Nation Profiles if you feel so inclined. And with your actions you take us one step closer to game time.
2013 STAR
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Hmmm. This doesn't seem to take very long to decide. Ever hear of someone by the name of KING BLOODY JORDAN BLOODY EBERLE OF BLEEDING BLOODY VICTORYLAND? THE KID IS A GENIUS WITH THE PUCK, A SUBLIME DISHER, CLUTCH CLUTCH CLUTCH AND HAS SET MANY THE LOIN OF AN EDMONTON WOMAN AFLAME IN HIS REIGN BY THUNDER.
Ahem.
Yeah Jordan Eberle will have to do for our 2013 selection. And every other year until the end of all recorded time after that too if you could mark it down. Coming off a season where he scored 32 goals and added 42 assists the 16th best scorer in the ENTIRE NHL is only looking to improve this season. Another year older and stronger - Eberle has been busy building on his already impressive resume leading the AHL in scoring prior to the lockout mercifully ending.
We predict Eberle will have a season of 35 goals and 40 assists. He may not be able to sustain his eye shattering 99.3% shooting percentage for the entire season as so many have already noted. However with a pile of souped up powerplay time with the return of Whitney and the addition of Schultz - 2013 will see 14 deliver the goods in the lockout shortened season. And he will do a great many other things too this year. Awesome things.
Believe that.
PREVIOUS STARS
2007: Shawn Horcoff
2006: Ryan Smyth
2005: Chris Pronger
Some earlier point: Eric Fichaud
Some even earlier point: Dr. Randy Gregg
GOAT HISTORY
"Well ok," perhaps you are thinking to yourself "I can dimly follow this guys point about publicly naming your favourite Oiler. That makes sense assuming you are a superfan or an 8 year old kid. But why would I want to hate on an Oiler and name him my goat?"
Again why not listen to a voice from the distant past explain the deets. 2010 Wanye what you got to say?
Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”
(Early 2000 bandwagon jumping buddies would hate) on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute - all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn't think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.
Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.
The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.
On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.
Not nearly as dire this year thankfully. Flames fans may want to take some notes on sanity saving techniques with the season you are staring down this year.
2013 GOAT
This was actually quite a difficult bit of business. We don't think that the name of the game this season will be "try and figure out ways to keep self entertained whilst the Oilers skitter about like baby fawns on a frozen pond." A lot of the really goatworthy players are gone, traded, cut or bottled up and shipped to Anaheim via the AHL and Dallas.
*cough*
No instead this season should be pretty sweet. The Oilers are young and in game shape against dusty old squads of players just waiting for a groin to get pulled*
We thought about Dubnyk but it isn't good sport to cheer against your starting goalie all year. No, we need him to be good. We ground our teeth while thinking about Horcoff collecting 12 billion dollars this season but we have far too much respect for the Captaincy of the Oilers to name him Goat. If you are in a trench and don't like your squad commander too bad. You respect the chain of command.
But last we checked Theo Peckham still remains the property of the Oilers. We can't figure Peckham out. A team that is willing to do anything to have young players fill spots meets a player that has looked like he had turned the corner into bonafide NHL toughian several different times. And yet there is no match?
How have we come to this Peckham?
You need to fight your way back into the lineup. And so far you aren't even close.
GOAT.
PREVIOUS GOATS
2008: Dennis Grebeshkov
2007: Some guy
2005: Some other jerk
Some earlier point: Andrei Kovalenko
Some even earlier point: Jimmy Carson
*Thats what she said
EBERLE HURRAH!
Peckham? Too easy. I'll go with Dubnyk as my goat selection even though I pray I'm wrong. Star will be none other than *drum roll*.....Sam Gagner.
Alright! I've been waiting for this.
Star: Taylor Motherf*ckin' Hall. I think he is going to have a hell of a year and if we make the playoffs, Taylor is going to thrust his manhood into the face of the opposition.
Honorable mentions: Fistric, Smid, J. Schultz, Krueger.
Goat: Patrick O'Sullivan. I thought about maybe switching it up this year. But I decided why break a good streak and go with Patty O'Sh*tbag for the fourth year in a row. When you suck that bad, and care that little, you're stuck on my goat list until the pain you caused leaves my soul untarnished.
Honorable mentions: Horcoff, Potter.
Star - Justin Shultz - Nominated for Calder but loses to Nail Yakupov.
Goat - Khabibulin - He'll get 15 soft starts agains the likes of Columbus, Calgary, Anaheim and some other poor downtrodden teams. He'll come out with a poor record of 4-8-3 taking 11/30 points. Of course, we'll miss the playoffs by like 1 point this year, because of him. He's my goat!
Oh yeah... Omark already because he's putting up shitloads of points elsewhere and could not find his ass in the dark with two hands when he was with the big team. Plus he's too damn proud to do what needed to be done!
Goat: Eberle because UNSUSTAINABLE!!!!!!
Star: Hemsky because sexy, silky-smooth Dangles!
Star: Hemsky, Is going to smash soft minutes with the Gag and Yak - injur bugs will stay at bay this year
Goat - Whitney: 2 left feet, injury prone, YUK - By the end of the season everyone will be saying "what a helen hunt!"
Additional Awards
Most Likely to be a serial Killer - Petrell (easy)
Most likely to eat you: Another easy one, Teddy Bear
Most Likely to suffer a "Tambo Moment"... Tambo
Star: Dubnyk, he has alot riding on this year, and after watching him in the Spenglar Cup working his mojo I still think he can win 30 this year.
Goat: Petrell, because the dude can't bring a damn thing other than the odd hit, how he makes it over PRV still blows me away.
That is all, good day people.
Star is Gagner for sure, he will show all the detractors what he is made of. He probably wont have the most points on the team but it will be cause of him in his second line center position that the Oilers will rise from the basement.
Goat is hmm.... wait a minute... let me look at my list again *whispers* Khabi, Peckham, Petrell, Potter... these are all fringe players in my mind, if they play bad they can hopefully be replaced so they do not effect the team. So I have to choose someone that is a regular and by their crappy play they effect the entire team. Candidates are Belanger, Dubnyk... going back to my list again... I guess the rest of the defensive core could be a goat and I think that Belanger will have a bounce back year and I think that Dubnyk will rise to the challenge of being counted on for 35 to 40 starts. There for my goat selection is Nick Shultz... no wait a minute let me check my list again, there has to be something I missed. It has to be someone younger and Nick Shultz should be able to handle the shorted season and the Fire Wagon hockey the Oilers will put out there. So my final decision for goat is going to go to Petry. I think he will regress a little in the maturity department.
Star: Taylor "drive the crossbar with my forehead" Hall
Goat: Corey Potter. I don't think his second half struggles last year were only because of injury.
My star pick for this year is Lil Nuge. Another year older and stronger expect big things from Nuge.
The easy goat pick is Belanger. Hopefully his powers of sucking are not strong enough to recreate the Belanger triangle this year.
I also bet a flames fan that the Oilers will not lose more than 12 games this season. Too much Kool-aid for me ?
STAR: J.Schultz GOAT: Belanger
STAR: Ladi Smid, the unsung shut-down D-man. Every team needs at least one, and they don't get any credit.
GOAT: Eric Belanger. Here's to hoping the "Belanger Triangle" that caused all offensive players in his vicinity to disappear from the scoresheet takes a page out of its own book and doesn't show.
Star: Nail Yakupov Goat: Sam Gagner
star: Eberle
goat: DSF
Star: Ladi Smid Goat: Mark Fistric
This is the year I buy a Smid sweater.
This is also the year that we curse Fistric for taking a spot from Peckham. You'll see. He's that bad.
Star: Justin Schultz. I don't think he's going to be the best player on the team, or even the best defenceman, but I think his skill, awareness and, dare I say, poise will win me over. Watching a talented puck rusher is one of the most exciting and unpredictable things in hockey. Will he go end-to-end? Will he connect on a blue line to blue line pass? Will he slap-pass for an easy redirection? Will he fan on the puck and give up a breakaway against? However it plays out, its going to be fun.
Goat: Shawn Horcoff. I just can't say anyone else. I want to. I really want to. Yet every time I watch a game, I find myself clenching my fists in rage, turning my face towards the heavens and screaming with a primal fury "HORCOFFFFFF!" If he would just not be awful, even for just a little bit, I would be fine with it. I'm not asking for great, I'm not even asking for good, just not awful. I mean, seriously, who does he think he is, Ethan Moreau?
Star: multiple but I'll go with HALL. Goat: Multiple goatish plays/games but overall NONE. (not this year).
Star :: Hall Goat :: Smyth Winner, Winner :: Chicken Dinner
Star: Petry: continues progression
Goat: Eager: continues regression
Since you already have captain clutch i guess I'll have to bet on 90% of Yak City learning russian by june. The kid will absolutely kill it. Calder Curse? No more. Хеммер хиты ногтей, снова и снова. Миллиард очков в локаута сезоне. Овечкин кто?
Belanger causes offense to evaporate. Everytime his shift overlaps with the kids', he decreases their career total by two points. Belanger will attempt to keep us in the basement all season.
Last year my Goat was so goaty that through sheer will of mind, and incessant internet thrashing, I had him shipped to some B league in Europe where he sits today wondering if the Oilers or any other NHL team has even HEARD of YouTube.
Omark, I will miss your poor defensive zone work, your inability to grasp what a system looks like, and the goal you would score every 10th game.
This year my Goat will be Old Alligator Arms himself, Shawn Horcoff.
My Star will be Sam Gagner. Samwise the Young is one heck of a hockey player, despite not being at the level of the big 5. He's intensely under rated because he hasnt had marked improvement points wise, but he's also had about 9 different coaches over the 6 years he's played in the NHL and this is the 1st year in many that he isnt starting the season playing LW on the 3rd line because the Coach was too polite to acknowledge that Horcoff couldnt play in the top 6 anymore.
I saw the headline and was anxiously waiting for the goat wearing Grebs' jersey. Star:Hemmer Goat:Horcoff
Star: Hall
Goat: Tambellini
Hrmmm, my star WAS going to be Gagner; after years of pointing out what a second line center ACTUALLY produces I was finally ready to cash in...
But then ten of you beat me to it.
Therefor I have reconsidered STAR: Justin Shultz (I believe he will score enough to make me a happy panda!)
GOAT: Nick Shultz (He is a character guy, but will be left alone cleaning up Justin's mistakes)
Star- Jeff Petry - made great strides last year.
Goat=me if i forget or change my mind about making supper.
Oilers Goat- Horcoff - he is done.
Star: Ryan Whitney and possibly comeback player of the year. Goat: habby! Won't be able to stay healthy to back dubby up.
I have to say that I totally agree with your picks, Wanye.
The picks seem pretty obvious to me ...
Star: Hall - as Lowetide says, he's about to go supernova. Honourable mention here is Hemsky, who is going to have a big bounce-back year.
Goat: Belanger, with the honourable mention going to Potter. I can't pick Teddy Peckman becuase I think you actually have to play to be a goat.
Your goat selection wins the internet.
I almost hate myself for saying this:
STAR: Dangles McHemsky--Hemmer is putting together a comeback year that will have all of the clowns talking about trading him for a backup goalie jumping back on the bandwagon.
I don't hate myself for saying this.
GOAT: Jonesy--Your wonderful flow can't carry you all year.
Mark my words, Gagner is also going to have a great season. Just not as good as Hemmer.
Maybe I spoke too soon about Puritania winning the internet. Well played good sir.
Star : Taylor Hall, easy pick
Goat : even though he'll pick up 26 points in 48 games, his defense will be terrible and we will curse his 5x5 play.... Justin Schultz
Let me be clear though, this is a 1 year pick, soon he will pick up the pace of the NHL forwards, and he will regularly score 50 points and be plus 1 billion on the season
I don't see any reason to update my star/goat:
Star: SMID. No question.
The guy's a force. He hits and block shots with the best of them. He's defensively reliable. He's hilarious. He's always sharing that glorious toothless smile with the children of the world. And, most importantly for a Star, when he scores it's an earth shattering revelation of joy:
http://video.oilers.nhl.com/videocenter/console?event=T.B1005&hlg=20112012,2,1104&lang=en
Just look at that sniper. He's unstoppable:
http://video.oilers.nhl.com/videocenter/console?hlg=20112012,2,328&event=COL61
And the story of Smid is just as inspiring. Here's a guy that comes over for Pronger... the best D any Oiler has seen in a generation by miles. Smid is immediately thrown to the wolves and is crushed relentlessly by NHL-ready players... coming from ignoble birth (via Pronger) only makes the situation more hopeless.
And yet, he wins our hearts and wins a top 4 roster spot with his hard work and sense of levity.
I love this guy.
Goat: Cory Cross. I blame him for everything.
Star: Eberle. Goat: Wanye - Eberle scored 34 goals last year, not 32!
Star: Yak, shiny new toy
Goat: Belanger... As soon as he said in the offseason he wants to play in Montreal he became the goat.
Star: He who is called Eberle. Top-10 in scoring this year.
Goat: Eager. Who knows where his head is at after his legal issues? Too many dumb penalties will lead to a demotion to the pressbox in favour of Hordichuk.
Star, Nail Yakupov. Runner up, Justin Schultz.
Goat, it brings me great joy to enter the name Shawn Horcoff for the very last time. His last season in an Oiler jersey. Runner up, Devan Dubnyk.
The STAR will be Hall.
The Goat will be Tambo.
Priceless!!!!
Where is Defying Sanity Forever? Not here to give us his wisdom?
Star: Eberle
Goat: Eager
Im so late to the party but I choo choose EBERQUEEEEEEEE as my star!
My goat on the other hand is more difficult but I will go with The Belanger Triangle.
Star: Gagner Goat: Belanger
Tom Poti, Tommy Salo, Tom Gilbert. Tom's are all-time goats.
Star: The NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGE
Goat: Ryan Jones - He doesnt fight anymore and his "scoring" is in decline
Thats is all.
GO OILERS!!!!!! Glug Glug Glug..... man Bud Light is so tasty!!!!
Theo = Tom. Tom Peckham is a goat
It appears I broke the Nation with my correct spelling of NUGE....Oops
Oh Wanye, please fix.
Star: RNH Goat: Corey Potter
Star: That battered and bleeding unstoppable force who, a fraction of a second after the most crucial game-winning puck crosses the line, follows through taking a defenceman, the goalie (hopefully Luongo), and the net itself, right through the end boards.....Taylor Hall
Goat: That self-annoited superstar Calder Trophy winner whose ego is just too big to remain cramped up in a dressing room that actually harbours superior talents....Nail Yakupov.
Star: Nuge. Honorable mention to Nick Schultz. His cool and steady defensive presence will do almost as much to improve this team as Nuge's 55 regular season points.
Goat: Jack Micheal Micheals : Having to call play by play over the radio for two Shultzes playing on the same defensive pairing will cause an early-season head implosion. Or he'll sound like he has a couple of mad man-crushes if he refers to them by their first names, a la Jim Hughson and the Canuck-Clones. Either way: Goat City.
Star: Special K - aka, Coach Krueger. He'll be the star behind so many shining points of light on this roster. Honorable mention goes to Petry for continuing his ascent from last year, and to J Schultz for showing us the AHL dominance he showed earlier this year was just the beginning.
Goat: Smid's knee, followed closely by Teddy 'Cheeseburger' Peckman, and any impatient fan expecting this team to win now.
STAR: Taylor "the beast" Hall
GOAT: Belanger "Triangle"