GDB 78.0: KING FOR A DAY

Wanye
March 30 2012 12:01PM

So the Oilers play the LA Kings tonight in another meaningless game do they? And Gregor is doing married guy stuff before his show and asked us to write the GDB on his behalf? How will we live with the pressure of trying to describe a game that will be forgotten by 99% of us within days?

Fingers and brain don't fail us now!*

BETTER THAN NOTHING

A great many folks have done a great many things in the name of "better than nothing." Say you are the unfortunate fellow in the picture above. You say to your wife "Honey, now that the kids are grown up and have left the house we should get a pet! How about a Golden Retriever?"

When the wife strolls in with two spider monkeys and digs up boxes of old childeren's clothing from the basement you quickly come to the sobering realization that the dog you wanted probably isn't on its way. But do you shun the creepy little buggers? No. You dress them up in the family's finest and grimace your way through a series of photos at the local Walmart.

You know why?

Because it's better than nothing.

BETTER THAN NOTHING 2

Now what if you are this little girl? Your parents have set up the video camera and on the eve of Santa's arrival you get to open an early Christmas present. Little would you know that they watch the Jimmy Kimmel show and he has put out a challenge to viewers to give their kids crappy Christmas presents and video their reactions.

How are you to know that Christmas has turned from a joyous day for Children into a joyous day for Jimmy Kimmel and his burning desire to ruin everything?  As this big Chicago Bears fan opens up a Packers jersey and promptly flips her Dad the Christmas Bird, we can see that in some cases something is definitely not better than nothing.

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?

So Oilers what's it gonna be tonight? We will be tuning into the game from beginning to end despite the fact it is Friday night, there are a myriad of other things to do and we know this game doesn't exactly mean the world to you.

Jason Strudwick described this in gory detail in his earlier article and we can't help but ask ourselves how we are supposed to find inspiration to watch the game when the millionaires collecting bags of cash can't be bothered to get amped up themselves.

But tune in we will. Why? Because it is better than nothing. Even the worst Oilers game in history is better than nothing. Even a 1-0 shutout loss to some awful team on a Sunday afternoon is better than nothing. Even a pre-season game between split squads of the Oilers and the Columbus Blue Jackets is better than nothing.

And in a few short weeks that is exactly what we will be left with. Nothing.

So go Oilers. Snipe a few would ya?

LINEUPS, TENDER AND SCRATCHES

According to the Oilers twitter feed the scratches tonight are Belanger, Omark, Barker, Petrell and Fedun. More information to follow as it becomes available. Linus Omark also tweeted the message above which suggests he is either confused by something or the question mark key on his Blackberry is stuck. More information on that too should we find out more.

MORE

Apparently Linus Omark didn't tweet about a hundred frustrated question marks because he found out he is a healthy scratch tonight. Even though he tweeted it right around the time he would have been finding out the bad news. We can safely make this conclusion because he tweeted in his charming way that we are all wrong if that's what we all thought.

Ha ha! Jokes on us right Linus? And you thought he was on a different page than Oilers management. Scratch that kind of thinking you negative nelly.

*That's obviously what she said

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Matt Henderson
March 30 2012, 04:40PM
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Bushed wrote:

So Omark and PRV get a handful of games to "prove" themselves (playing mostly 3rd line), are found wanting, and are now trade fodder?

In the meantime, Gagner gets 5 years and still can't check a suitcase, let alone a real hockey player, but he still gets lots of rope because he might be approaching his "breakout" year?

Nope, let's just move along here, nothing to see, no double standards around this coach or team...

I dont recall Omark or Paajarvi ever having a 8 point game.

*checks ye olde timey record book*

Nope. Never happened.

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#53 jeanshorts
March 30 2012, 05:02PM
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I'm pretty certain that these "GAGNER IS CRAPPY!" dummies are probably the same people that are still lamenting the loss of Rob Schremp.

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#54 Pucker
March 30 2012, 05:09PM
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Gagner is a frustration to watch when he isn't 'bringing it' - like last game. With his size, he's got to put in a big effort.

Omark's ????? was a reply to someone telling him to f-off. I'm not a big Omark fan but I hope he does well wherever he ends up. From what I know of his attitude, it's pretty good. I'd rather hear the 'I want to play' rather than the apparent 'I'm just putting in time' that we've experienced the past couple of years.

Things are looking up.

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#55 My2Scents
March 30 2012, 05:11PM
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Wanye wrote:

WOWWWWWWWWWW I did NOT notice that when I found that picture. Yes, I can now add "edited out wang from Spider Monkey dress up picture" to the old resume.

A monkey with a fierce whang in a dress. Wanye you're a sicko! Thanks for the edit!

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#56 Pucker
March 30 2012, 05:12PM
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@Pucker

And I'm going to the game today. I don't know why but I'm actually looking forward to it.

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#57 jeanshorts
March 30 2012, 05:12PM
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Bushed wrote:

So Omark and PRV get a handful of games to "prove" themselves (playing mostly 3rd line), are found wanting, and are now trade fodder?

In the meantime, Gagner gets 5 years and still can't check a suitcase, let alone a real hockey player, but he still gets lots of rope because he might be approaching his "breakout" year?

Nope, let's just move along here, nothing to see, no double standards around this coach or team...

Well, I mean, you could also look at it this way (like a sane person);

Gagner and Omark were both drafted in 2007; Gagner was a spry 18 year old while Omark was 20.

During those 5 years Gagner has played 361 games in the NHL and amassed 219 points. while Omark, who again is 2 years older, has played 65 whole games in the NHL and put up 30 points.

Yeah, why on earth would Gagner ever get more "rope" than Omark...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

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#58 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 05:13PM
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#eatmonkeywangcalgary!

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#60 vetinari
March 30 2012, 05:23PM
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@Wanye

Wang? Isn't that the dude who owns the Islanders?

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#61 jeanshorts
March 30 2012, 05:24PM
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Wanye wrote:

That was too much even for a pervert like me!

All this success has made you soft. Please turn in your pervert badge to my "completely ordinary, definitely NOT used for raping" van. It's currently parked across from Jasper Place High.

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#63 jeanshorts
March 30 2012, 05:34PM
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Wanye wrote:

The one with the total soundproofing and the candy dispensers for door handles?

I've also added a giant neon sign that reads "FREE JUSTIN BIEBER MERCH!" Not to attract you or anything, but, I mean, a fish is a fish regardless of what bait you use, AMIRIGHT?

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#64 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 05:38PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

I've also added a giant neon sign that reads "FREE JUSTIN BIEBER MERCH!" Not to attract you or anything, but, I mean, a fish is a fish regardless of what bait you use, AMIRIGHT?

I seen one the other day that said "FREE PUPPIES AND KITTENS!" guess that wasn't you eh.

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#65 Sox and Oil
March 30 2012, 05:49PM
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I feel bad for PRV.

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#67 Bucknuck
March 30 2012, 06:39PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

All this success has made you soft. Please turn in your pervert badge to my "completely ordinary, definitely NOT used for raping" van. It's currently parked across from Jasper Place High.

Yuck man... just yuck.

Speaking of Yuck, I am dreading another two months of watching other teams chase the stanley cup. So yeah... this is better than nothing, and it is a LOT better than watching other teams play in the playoffs and not the Oil.

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#68 justDOit
March 30 2012, 06:43PM
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Wanye wrote:

WOWWWWWWWWWW I did NOT notice that when I found that picture. Yes, I can now add "edited out wang from Spider Monkey dress up picture" to the old resume.

So we now know why the man holding that monkey looks like he's not thrilled to be there.

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#69 Jon
March 30 2012, 06:47PM
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Omark's ?????? tweet came immediately after Paajarvi tweeted about reading on the way to Edmonton. He just probably knew the recall rules unlike management.

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#70 justDOit
March 30 2012, 06:49PM
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Bucknuck wrote:

Yuck man... just yuck.

Speaking of Yuck, I am dreading another two months of watching other teams chase the stanley cup. So yeah... this is better than nothing, and it is a LOT better than watching other teams play in the playoffs and not the Oil.

I hear you, but there are some positives about the playoffs, regardless of whether the Oilers are in or not. Watching the Nucks get bounced in the first round would be a great start!

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#71 A-Mc
March 30 2012, 07:32PM
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That monkey penis threatened my manlihood. I felt like he was challenging me; with it just hanging out like that.

Who the hell does he think he is? Ill punch a chimp out!

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#72 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 07:44PM
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That didn't take long...

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#73 Oilcruzer
March 30 2012, 07:45PM
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Someone help me out here.

Alberta. The richest province. Quebec. Always asking for transfer payments. Québec City. No NHL team. Government in Quebec pays for new NHL arena. Alberta local and provincial governments pay how much for an arena in Edmonton?

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#74 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 07:46PM
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EBERSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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#75 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 08:04PM
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Wow is khabbi bad. Time to turn in the empty vodka bottles, buy a new Skoda and drive into the sunset.

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#76 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 08:08PM
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@Oilcruzer

The Quebec govt. is free to toss around $$$ because it is courtesy our tax dollars, kinda like free money. Merci Alberta.

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#77 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 08:13PM
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Doughty just runs Petrell into side boards with the puck 25 feet away. What exactly is interference these days?

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#78 Romulus' Apotheosis
March 30 2012, 08:22PM
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Is that monkey clear of thetans yet?

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#79 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 08:37PM
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And this is why Hordi and Eager play 5 minutes a night...

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#80 Mason Storm
March 30 2012, 08:54PM
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Someone should inform Khabibulin that we can't finish 30th anymore. He can quit playing ~MVP~ hockey anytime.

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#81 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 09:00PM
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Proof positive that Punch Imlach was wrong. Now I realize that this game is meaningless, but clearly sometimes you can beat them on the ice when you can't do it in the alley. Otherwise the oil would be about 0-78 this year. The softest, fluffiest, friendliest team ever. You could throw a net over guys walking down 118 ave and find 5 with more fortitude. Shameful.

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#82 Shaun Doe
March 30 2012, 09:05PM
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I thought we all agreed that the jones, Horcoff, Smyth pairing didn't Work... So why is it back again?

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#83 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 09:11PM
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Hopkins really isn't afraid to throw his weight around... just wish he weighed more!

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#84 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 09:12PM
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I am sure glad our 170lb 18 year old has to even the score physically on Brown. It will make a man of him.

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#85 vetinari
March 30 2012, 09:31PM
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Is starting Khabibulin our gift to LA to allow them to leapfrog Calgary in the standings?

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#86 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 09:39PM
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Potter with a face wash on Fraser. Put a letter on his jersey, toughest oil on the ice.

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#87 Mason Storm
March 30 2012, 09:39PM
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At least Oklahoma City won, despite our wise GM taking their best player out of the line-up. Don't understand how that call-up goes out without anyone in the front office calling him on it.

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#88 MattL
March 30 2012, 09:49PM
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So with the PRV call-up, Olcyk finally gets canned, right? That's how many foul-ups now?

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#89 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 09:52PM
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What a pathetic effort. So bad that seeing Calgary mail it in to Col didn't cheer me up.

How can a blue collar province with so many workers getting their hands dirty daily, how can their pro hockey teams be built to be so timid? Especially Edmonton??

The oil won cups because of the skill of their players but also because they were the toughest, meanest team going. Lowe of all people should realize this. The notion that rule changes will favour skill and the notion that these rules will be enforced uniformly were apparently incorrect. Time to toughen uo for 2012-13.

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#90 knobby
March 30 2012, 11:10PM
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"Hi! My name is (insert name ______________) of the Edmonton Failers. I'm not really a professional athlete and hockey player...but I play one on T.V. I will make more money in one year than you will make in your whole life. It was ezee-peezee lemon squeezee.

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#91 Bushed
March 30 2012, 11:19PM
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Gagner's "big game" was a once in a lifetime game. Sure, he's played a lot of games, but he's also played brutal defense in a lot of games, and five years later, he still plays brutal defense and rarely wins a puck battle in either o-zone or d-zone.

How many goals against do you see Gagner two feet or more behind his check, or giving up on the play? Way too many for my liking.

You want him on the team? Fine. Just give a few others at least half the chance that Gagner got, and continues to get.

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#92 Time Travelling Sean
March 30 2012, 11:31PM
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@Bushed

Yea that's why he's a plus player on this team, cause of his god awful defence.

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#93 Wax Man Riley
March 30 2012, 11:34PM
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knobby wrote:

"Hi! My name is (insert name ______________) of the Edmonton Failers. I'm not really a professional athlete and hockey player...but I play one on T.V. I will make more money in one year than you will make in your whole life. It was ezee-peezee lemon squeezee.

"I only had to dedicate every minute of my life perfecting my craft. I had to spend over 10,000 hours in the gym, on the ice, in training and many times away from my friends and family family at practice and tournaments, in order to realize my dream and get the smallest opportunity to play in the best league in the world. Ezee-peezee lemon squeezee."

EDIT: To be fair, I did not watch the game tonight

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#94 Bryzarro World
March 31 2012, 12:21AM
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Wax Man Riley wrote:

"I only had to dedicate every minute of my life perfecting my craft. I had to spend over 10,000 hours in the gym, on the ice, in training and many times away from my friends and family family at practice and tournaments, in order to realize my dream and get the smallest opportunity to play in the best league in the world. Ezee-peezee lemon squeezee."

EDIT: To be fair, I did not watch the game tonight

*excluding Penner

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#95 knobby
March 31 2012, 12:40AM
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Wax Man Riley wrote:

"I only had to dedicate every minute of my life perfecting my craft. I had to spend over 10,000 hours in the gym, on the ice, in training and many times away from my friends and family family at practice and tournaments, in order to realize my dream and get the smallest opportunity to play in the best league in the world. Ezee-peezee lemon squeezee."

EDIT: To be fair, I did not watch the game tonight

@ Wax man Riley

Fair enough young squire, but you can't have it both ways. If what you say is true then this particular organization and collection of nut-less nancy-men have suffered a tragic case of millionaire amnesia. If I worked that hard and had that kind of character and determination to join this little club then I think I would have more pride in my performance and respect for the fans. This group of terds has shows none of that (imo).

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#96 Wax Man Riley
March 31 2012, 02:22AM
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knobby wrote:

@ Wax man Riley

Fair enough young squire, but you can't have it both ways. If what you say is true then this particular organization and collection of nut-less nancy-men have suffered a tragic case of millionaire amnesia. If I worked that hard and had that kind of character and determination to join this little club then I think I would have more pride in my performance and respect for the fans. This group of terds has shows none of that (imo).

You have a good point with that last line (actually the one before it but I like the word terd, too).

I will also add, to be fair I haven't watched most of the last few games, save for the ones I went to, so I haven't had the misfortune of watching them float around. Last game I was at, Hall was playing, and he never floats. I can imagine them going through the motions, la-dee-dah, collectin' dem cheques. For us season ticket holders, multiple-mini pack holders, 1 game a year people, or cable subscribers, this can be painful.

I wonder if Omark would have mailed it in tonight. Or Van de Velde. Or Green......

"Millionaire amnesia." I like that. I wonder what the golfing is like in Palm Springs right now...... oops, let in a goal.

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#97 Bushed
March 31 2012, 02:31AM
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@Time

And that would have nothing to do with playing with decent linemates, right?

Good for Sam, he's a plus player. Still doesn't change the fact that his defensive game could improve a lot. Hopkins has only been in the NHL a year and could teach Sam a lot about defensive positioning and checking and not being so easy to push off the puck. Just sayin'.

Not all players on the Oil get the same kinds of chances to develop and the same quality of linemates. Sure, some of it is timing and luck of the draw, but PRV and Omark have gotten a raw deal in my opinion, and I know I'm not the only person who thinks so.

I'll give Sam credit for working hard and trying to improve, but we're a 29th place team and should have lots of time for helping more than one player to improve, don't you think?

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#98 Wax Man Riley
March 31 2012, 02:36AM
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Wanyes bastard child wrote:

I seen one the other day that said "FREE PUPPIES AND KITTENS!" guess that wasn't you eh.

It may have been, I have no idea. But I can tell you it definitely did not have free puppies and kittens. No puppies, no kittens.. just....

*trails off then runs to the corner to suck thumb and sob*

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#99 Wax Man Riley
March 31 2012, 02:52AM
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And just for fun:

Iginla, Calgary Flames' superstar: 78GP, 31-33-64 34yrs old

Eberle. Edmonton Oilers' 2nd year draft pick: 73GP, 32-41-73 21yrs old

Eat Sh!t Flames!

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#100 SiD
March 31 2012, 04:18AM
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Detroit Red Wings:

“Hello, Oilers fans, look at your team, now back to me, now back at your team, now back to me. Sadly, they are not me, but if they switched to a mix of grit and skill, they could look like they're me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re at the game watching a team your team could look like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a ticket to the Stanley cup finals. Look again, the ticket is now celebratory beverages after winning the cup, Anything is possible when your team switches to a mix of good skill and grit, and not the undersized team of today, I'm on a horse.”

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